Quotes and Sayings
The following are from Al-Anon members and Al-Anon literature. We use these to keep us in and bring us back to serenity.
Al Anon is for people who want it rather than people who need it.
On Self Love and Self Care:
Learn to give from my overflow rather that from my reserve. This is self care, we learn to let go of burdens we were never meant to carry. Learn to ask, “What is the best thing for me?”
“I can only love myself as much as I believe I am lovable.”
Kindness – I like to treat myself with a Grandmother’s heart. Al-Anon is where we can practice kindness to ourselves.
An expectation is a premeditated resentment. Courage to Change Page 153
Any time I am in resentment, I am not taking care of myself. I am blaming someone else for something I need to do.
The higher the expectations, the lower the serenity. I try to keep my boundaries high, my expectations low, and my heart open.
On the Steps:
Willingness comes from the pain, the healing comes from the steps.
Step 1. Surrender
Step 2. Sanity
Step 3. Serenity
There is a difference between “relief” and “recovery”.
Steps 1-3 bring relief
Steps 4-9 bring recovery..
Steps 10-12 maintain it…
Steps 6 & 7:
Step 6 Be willing, Be ready and let God do the work
Step 7 Humbly ask (acknowledge who I am in relation to God)
These steps have grown and I expand with the steps .
The steps say WE, Al-Anon is program that is meant to be worked with another and with God.
Don't get too:
On Helping, Fixing and Controlling:
“Helping” I’m disrespecting their ability to do it themselves.
“Fixing”, I’m saying that they are broken,
“Serving” I am just showing up to listen.
“I remove the other person’s dignity if I try to make their decisions for them” ODAT pg 200
Control is only an illusion.
When we point a finger at someone, three are pointing back at us.
On Feelings and Emotions:
At times I am afraid of my own feelings if I don’t get in there and try to control.. what if?
When I have a feeling, I lean into it and look at the idea behind the feeling.
Learn to live with the “dis-ease” that comes when you stop something and practice new behavior, the feelings will pass.
Anger can be constructive in telling me that someone else is stepping on some boundaries that I need to enforce.
I cannot give what I do not have.
I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.
“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” A.S. Roche
Toxic shame = the feeling that I am a mistake instead of feeling that I made a mistake.
We don’t have to act on our feelings, we can look at them and let them pass.
All suffering is the result of thought pointing in the wrong direction. Thought does not change an emotion but action does.
Every time I tell the truth, I gain my own freedom.
I need to be true to who I am to be able to have a sense of self.
Am I comparing my insides with other people’s outsides when I feel out of it in a group?
Don’t turn feelings into decisions.
On God, Prayer, and Meditation:
A coincidence is a little miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous.
There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Be in nature and discover how much God loves you, “Pause, so you can hear the rabbits.”
I cannot give other people the status of my Higher Power.
I don’t worry about tomorrow because God has already been there and He has set the stage.
“God helps those who don’t try to take over His work”. ODAT pg 196
Change can only come from a position of acceptance.
What ever your heart clings to, that is your God. Martin Luther
Meditation “sitting quietly and letting the mud settle”
Where ever I place my attention, energy flows.
A mind is a dangerous place, don’t go there alone.
Pause for Poise.
Responsible = I want to be able to respond, not react.
Insanity = doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Willingness = a readiness to change one’s perception.
The difference between pity and compassion – pity elevates me, compassion is empathy for another’s humanness.
Pain is something that comes and goes, suffering is something we hold on to.
Resentment is anger re sent, it goes round and round resending the feelings.
C.S. Lewis: Denial is the shock absorber for the soul. It protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.
4 M’s = martyrdom, manipulating, managing and mothering
“The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is in how you use them” ODAT pg 185
It is futile to spend time trying to figure out what makes some one else tick. Detachment
When I blame someone else for something, I give up my power to them.
Living in the past is VICTIM, Living in the future is MANIPULATING. Live in the present.
What you think of me is none of my business.
When I get into a situation, I always ask myself, “What is my part in it? What is going on with me?”
Things to say to the alcoholic when he/she does his/her thing: I never thought of it that way. You could be right Hmmmmmm. OH, SO, NO and WOW (Al Anon Sentences)
On Keeping it Simple:
5 Sentences: This is what I want. This is what I need. This is what I feel. This is what I think. This is what I will do.
It is easier to resist the bait than to struggle with the hook.
My Happiness is My Responsibility
Worry is a terrible waste of time.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t be mean when you say it.
Would I rather be Right or would I rather be HAPPY.
“Be yourself because everyone else is taken.” Oscar Wilde
Al Anon is like a laboratory, we experiment and find out what works for us.